Tools For Coping

When you are experiencing a major loss, illness, death, separation or any life change, here are some tools for coping with the everyday feelings and realities of living.

Be gentle with your own feeling process. Avoid self-judgment. Do not put "I should have" on yourself.

Find a supportive person or persons you can trust. Share your honest feelings.

Give yourself time for healing. The timing of grief cannot be rushed. Plan your time so that you have specific time to focus on your loss, and special time to escape from the pain of the reality of what you are facing.

When you experience fear, anger, helplessness, sorrow, pain, emptiness, isolation, depression, relief…it can be very confusing. Questions to ask yourself to focus are:

Try to maintain as "regular" a schedule as possible. Avoid unrealistic expectations/goals of yourself.

Maintain an awareness of your body's need for nutrition and rest. If symptoms arise that are new or unusual, see a physician.

Writing a letter or drawing a picture about your illness, loss or grief are healing ways to get your feelings from the inside to the outside. Writing to others with whom you feel incomplete. Or to your body, or to institutions, the universe, your illness, God, or anybody who enables you to process what your body longs to say. It also enables you to release anger, frustration and isolation and move to a forgiving, life-affirming attitude towards yourself and those who have touched your life.

Recording a life evaluation . . . Including who and what has been important in my life. Have I done what I wanted in my life? What needs to be done for me to be fulfilled? What activities would give me the most satisfaction right now? Is there anything or anyone with whom I feel incomplete or unfinished at this time? Is there anything I need to do about that for me?

Realize the world around you and your daily activities may be filled with landmines-

Stepped on an emotional landmine lately? You may have but didn't even know it. We store up all the events that we don't completely come to terms with in our 'emotional backpack.' After years and years of events, our backpacks can get almost impossible to carry around. When you experience something that relates to a past event, you have stepped on a landmine that will bring the event back to you. You can feel like you are right back at the original event. All the emotions can reappear and if you are not aware of what has happened, you may find yourself confused and thinking that you are losing it.

Some classic landmines are anniversaries, locations, sounds, weather…….anything that reminds you of the event.

Once you understand this process, it makes it easier to stay safe even when you hit a landmine.